Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Facebook post

Last night I posted something on Facebook, and I wanted to give a brief explanation. I hate cryptic Facebook posts and realize that's what mine unintentionally was. I happened to be exhausted and overwhelmed with emotion at the time. hopefully this will explain a little what I wasn't able to last night.

Excitement. I was pleasantly surprised to get an unexpected visit from an old, dear friend. That made my day!

Sadness. But while we visited I also had the live streaming of our local soldier's body arriving at out airport on. Not only was I sad for the family but it brought back sadness from my dear friend Michael's death in Iraq 7 years ago. And it also encompassed my worst fear...what if that were my son?

Disappointment and guilt. I got word that Drew hurt someone dear to him with his words yesterday. Drew has been hurt with similar words by friends in the past and I know that's just part of life sometimes, but still it pains me that my son caused that hurt of someone I love as well.

Panic and frustration. When I went to Drew's soccer practice I found out that he does have a game on Saturday. I thought he didn't and I offered to work. I panicked and then grew frustrated that I got myself in this situation to begin with.

Joy. This was more accurately pride in my son Drew as I watched him play and enjoy soccer at his second-ever practice.

Helplessness and deep burden. At revival last night, I realized how deeply Jesus feels compassion for the hurting. I also learned how young people aren't coming to Christ the way they did in generations past. People have deep deep hurts and need Jesus and they need to be loved and told this, but the need is so great. I want to make a difference but how in the world can I?

Fear. Alyssa had a tick on get last night. I'm not a germ freak by any stretch but I know the risks of tick-born diseases, and I got very scared.

Love. There is nothing sweeter than rocking your baby to sleep.

So while nothing was earth-shattering, the combination of these emotions really took their toll on me.

this morning I had a good sweet talk with Drew about his actions yesterday. I decided what to do about Saturday. I'm going to trust God with Alyssa.

But i'm still struggling with the deep burden. I'm starting to think that isn't a bad thing. Maybe my heart needs to hurt a little bit for the lost and hurting around me.


  1. Jill thanks for sharing that. that was awesome to read. thanks for being real.

  2. Thank You Jill for sharing that. It took a lot to do that. You have grown into such a wonderful woman, mom, wife, and friend. I wish we would have never of lost touch. Lots of hugs for you girl. ((()))