Unveiling the Mystery

Prayer has always been quite a mystery to me.  Although I've had a consistent quiet time for my 21 years as a Christian (minus morning sickness days, the early months of my children's lives, and yes I'll admit it, weekends and vacations), sometimes I feel like I'm no closer to an active prayer life than I was 21 years ago.

This week the mystery has begun to unfold for me, however.  Those who know me best know that I am quite an analytic thinker.  I can drive myself crazy thinking and rethinking.  That has certainly been the case lately as I have been navigating through some personal challenges.   

Then the thought occurred to me. What would happen if I took all of those thoughts and started voicing them to God instead of mulling them in my mind alone?  The first time I tried this experiment was in the car. I turned off the radio and started telling God my thoughts.  Gradually, my thoughts turned prayers weren't as random and unorganized as they had been only in my mind.  Almost like a veil was lifted, I began to see my thoughts in a new dimension.  Bible verses and passages with which I was familiar started coming to mind.

It is difficult to articulate exactly how my heart was changing.  It morphed into a confused, self-centered thought process into an organized, God-centered one.  Sin in my heart was exposed and instead of a quick, "I'll do better next time," I was forced to deal with it by asking for forgiveness and making a plan to turn away from it (repent).  I started seeing the issues at hand in a different light.

I started to realize how my previous thought process on my relationship with God was flawed. Though I never intentionally thought of it this way, I felt that since the Holy Spirit lives in me as a Christian, he already knows my thoughts, and he will reveal himself to me when necessary though my current Bible study and church attendance.

However, this is not the example Jesus set.  It is recorded time and again that he withdrew to pray to God the Father.  I've always wondered why would Jesus need to pray if he is God himself anyway?  But he did.  What I can take from that example is this:  If the Son of God Himself needed to converse with the Father to know God's will, how much more do I need that same thing?

Maybe I need to stop relying on my own wisdom, my own knowledge, my own experiences, my own opinions, you name it (keyword: me) and realize that in every single area of my life I am in constant need of seeking God through prayer.  No situation in my life, including my work (which I have 8 years of experience so why would I need God for the day to day decisions?), my church (with 3 decades of experience in a Baptist church, shouldn't I know what works and what doesn't?), my family (no one knows what's best for my family than me right?), or anything else I encounter am I above needing to seek the divine will of the Father.  Not my naturally analytic nature, my experience, my education, or my common sense can take the place of the Spirit-inspired prayer life.

Now, once I've started to experience just a tiny bit of what God wants for me in my prayer life, I realize how great a need it is.  And I plan to continue to take everything to God in prayer.  If it's worth me mulling over, analyzing, or worrying about, it's worth taking to him, seeking not my will but his.

What I've learned in the last few days is this: sometimes I think God is just waiting for us to make the effort, so he can reveal himself in ways we could never ask for or imagine.